5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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