I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
