I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize