ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
