Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
