Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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