how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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