Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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