I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize