I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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