I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
