It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize