My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
