Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
