is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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