I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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