you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize