Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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