White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
