I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
