I feel like abortions should bother me more
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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