Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
