My friends, they love my intelligence
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize