to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
