I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You can't special order awesome
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize