You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
