I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I am one with the molecules
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
