I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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