I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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