We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
