That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
