Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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