return my video game
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I stole a fireplace last night.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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