put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
