my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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