True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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