his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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