I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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