there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
