He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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