he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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