Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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