I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
