haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
