I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
