so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
