I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
