I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
