He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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