it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
