There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I am one with the molecules
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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