turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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