As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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