Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
