I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
