They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
