I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize