Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
