Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
