just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
