you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
