I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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