I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
