Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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