Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
