goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
