Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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