Will you blow on my dice?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
